


'Til I Reach You

by anotherwinchesterfangirl



Series: Stanford-Era Ramblings [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Memories, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6167710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherwinchesterfangirl/pseuds/anotherwinchesterfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"It’s a feeling he gets, like a fleeting lurch of his stomach, when he sees something that makes him think he’s seeing someone he knows, even though that person can’t be here. Usually it’s just a glimpse of a haircolor or the way someone walks or the timbre of a person’s voice. Today it’s the tinkle of laughter from two rows over in the convenience store that stops Sam in his tracks."</i>
</p><p>For the song prompt "Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Til I Reach You

He doesn’t know how to describe it, but he’s sure it’s a result of traveling all his life, living in so many places. It’s a feeling he gets, like a fleeting lurch of his stomach, when he sees something that makes him think he’s seeing someone he knows, even though that person _can’t_ be here. Usually it’s just a glimpse of a haircolor or the way someone walks or the timbre of a person’s voice. Today it’s the tinkle of laughter from two rows over in the convenience store that stops Sam in his tracks.

 

_It’s early in May, the first or second weekend—graduation weekend. Not theirs, but they had a handful of friends a year ahead of them. It’s late—3 or 4 in the morning—and they’re happy-drunk, giggly and light. Sam’s sitting on the couch, knees sprawled, in the khaki shorts and blue and green striped polo shirt that Jess helped him pick, sipping warm beer from a plastic cup. Jess’s bare feet are in his lap, and he skims his fingers up and down the smooth skin of her calf, looks down at her toes, the nails painted bright pink._

_She looks gorgeous—all long tan legs and blonde curls in a little blue sundress. An hour earlier, their three room apartment was full of people, wall to wall, shouting and drinking and celebrating. She’d run around all night playing hostess, making sure everyone had enough to drink, smiling and laughing. Sam loves her laugh, it’s one of his favorite qualities about her. It’s loud and unique, echoing through the whole apartment so whether he’s in the same room or not, he can hear her, knows she’s happy and having a good time._

His heart is pounding. He knows it’s not her—it can’t be obviously—but the sound has dredged up a thousand memories in his gut and he’s overcome by this weird urge to see the person with her laugh. He tries to shake it off, but before he knows it, he’s grabbing the box of protein bars off the shelf and throwing it hastily into the plastic basket he carries, denting the loaf of bread that’s already in there. His long legs carry him swiftly through the aisles until he finds the culprit: a short, busty brunette with pretty eyes and dark red lips. She’s with a guy, presumably her boyfriend, and they’re in the magazine aisle. He’s picking up issues and mimicking the cover models, making goofy faces all over the place, and she’s laughing her head off, doubled over in fits of giggles. Her giggle. Jess’s giggle.

 

_“Can you believe next year that will be us walking across that stage getting our diplomas?” Jess asks, digging her toes into Sam’s thigh._

_“No,” Sam says honestly. He never thought he’d make it this far. He hoped, he dreamed, but it was always a precarious situation. Now he’s only got one more year—35 credits—until he has his undergrad degree. Now he’s looking at law schools, trying to decide where he wants to apply; interviews will be in the fall. Now he’s living with this beautiful girl that he loves more than he ever thought possible. He’s doing it—he’s making this normal life for himself. He never thought he’d get here._

_“All our friends and family around, finally being done with school. Well, I will be anyway.” She looks at him and giggles. He closes his eyes as her laugh washes over him. He wants to stay on this couch with her forever. “Do you think your Dad will come see you graduate?”_

_Sam huffs a little disgruntled laugh through his nose and sets his cup on the table. “No.”_

_“Your brother?”_

_“Maybe,” he acquiesces._

_“A year from now, life will be totally different. I wonder where we’ll all be,” she muses, glancing up at the ceiling._

_“I hope I’m still here with you,” Sam says softly, his voice catching a little, raspy with fatigue and drink. She smiles._

He closes his eyes briefly as the girl’s laugh washes over him, and when he opens them again, she’s looking at him, just standing there at the end of the aisle. He smiles an awkward, crooked smile, keeping his lips pressed together, and takes his basket up to the front to pay. He thinks about how long it’s been while he stands in line—11 years. Hundreds of cases, thousands of miles of road traveled. He’s a different person now. That old life feels like a dream.

But god, he still misses her. So much it puts an ache in his jaw. It’s a different kind of missing after all this time. It’s not the body-racking sobs and overwhelming feeling of guilt like it was at first. It’s not the barely containable swell of anger in his chest like it was after that. And it’s not the aching, heavy heart and the lump in his throat like it was for years after that. Now it’s just a bone-deep ache for what could have been, a deep seated grief for a perfectly imagined life.

 

_She sits up, tucking her legs under herself, and leans into him, kisses his lips. She tastes like pink wine and barbeque chips._

_“As long as we’re together, babe, I’ll be happy. I don’t care where we are”_

_He wraps his arms around her, pulling her practically onto his lap._

_“What would I do without you?”_

He’s wondered about Jess’s heaven for years—ever since they knew for sure that heaven was real, that everyone got their own personal space. He wonders what hers is like. Or if she thinks of him. He hopes she’s happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated! :)


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